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Posts Tagged ‘personal’

It’s funny how I keep saying I’m going to write here more, and then I keep finding excuses in my life to not write more blog posts.  It’s almost funny, except for the part where it kind of makes me look like a flake.  Which is unfortunate.  So I guess here’s an update on what I’ve been doing recently.

That 100 movies thing I came up with on a whim last time is still ongoing, surprisingly.  I know it’s only been like ten days, but this is, regardless, a big deal for me.  As I mentioned, I can kind of be a flake sometimes.  I have a bad habit of setting lofty goals and being terrible about keeping them.  The fact that I’m still going after just a week is amazing.  There hasn’t been a lot of rhyme or reason to my film selections so far, but that’s fine.  Like I said, I’m just excited that I haven’t given up yet.

Another thing I do in my spare time during the spring and summer is garden.  I’m not actually very good at it, but I grow flowers and other things. This year I’ve got a couple vegetables going on the patio–a bell pepper and a cherry tomato.  Both are doing pretty well; just this past weekend I got four tomatoes off that plant.  I had a couple of them in a salad today and they were quite tasty.  I also have a strawberry plant that I planted last year that’s doing very well; hopefully I’ll be able to get some fruit off it before the local bunnies do.  On the flower side of things, I’ve planted some cosmos from seed that are also doing well.  They haven’t budded yet, but I’m hoping they will soon.

I haven’t been up to much else worth expounding on.  I’m knitting again, on this Star Wars scarf pattern.  The end result is going to be a gift for my brother.  I’ve started watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix; it’s been highly enjoyable so far, though I’m not that far in.  The writing thing hasn’t been going so well, unfortunately.  I haven’t been making time to write at home, which of course may also be because I don’t have much time in the day, period.  I’m trying to work on getting up earlier, but it’s mostly not going so well.  Getting up a little after 11am today was an accomplishment, let’s put it that way.

I don’t want to turn into a broken and untrustworthy record, but I am going to try and make a genuine effort to post more.  If I’m going to hit 100 posts by year’s end, I am going to have to improve my output.  So here’s to hoping, I suppose.

(5/100)

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I bet you thought I forgot about the blog again. While I admit it hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind, I promise I haven’t totally forgotten about it. I do want to get back in the habit of updating again, which means the pressure is on me to stick to it. This is what this is.

So what have I been up to? Partly it’s been a slightly soul-crushing apathy, either due to my depression or the medications I’m taking for my depression (oh joy). It’s hard to write when you don’t care about anything enough to get started. It’s hard to really do anything, because it doesn’t feel like any of it matters. Which leads into my next thing, which is that I haven’t done anything really important or interesting the last couple of weeks. I’ve been walking at the mall in an attempt to inject some physical activity into my otherwise sedentary life. I’m trying to write a silly fanfic to prove to myself that I’m still capable of actually producing fiction. Sometimes I go to the movies or watch one at home. I haven’t even been reading as much.

I’m not sure what my point here was supposed to be. Maybe explaining that my life is so boring as an excuse for not updating? Which is a pretty flimsy excuse, since I updated regularly in most of 2013 when my life was just as boring and depressing. (Even more depressing, since I was on crappier meds back then.) My biggest problem is that I make excuses. I didn’t get out of bed until nearly 1pm today because I kept finding excuses to ignore my alarm and curl up under the covers again. I don’t do a lot of things because I decide to refresh Tumblr or tab open TV Tropes instead.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that I am the queen of doing the easy, lazy thing instead.

I didn’t mean to turn this into an interrogation of my bad habits. This is what happens when I don’t have a set topic; I dive right into being self-critical.

I made a list of things I want to do this summer. Movies to see, TV shows to catch up on, plus some other stuff. It’s only sort of happening at the moment. I’m trying to catch up on Hannibal, since it’s just started its third season. It’s taking a while, since Hannibal is not the lightest of shows and thus not easy to binge watch. (This is more or less the reason why I haven’t finished Daredevil, either.) I’m five episodes away from being caught up, so hopefully I can cross that off my list here shortly. And that’s just one part of the list. And for some reason I’ve just now got this mad idea to watch 100 different movies over 100 days. Just because. And who knows, I might just do it, even though another one of my bad habits is setting goals I can’t possibly hope to keep.

This is what this is. I do things. Mostly they’re boring and unimportant. But I suppose you’re here because you’re interested anyway. I’m going to try to be better about updating here in the future. Expect more rambling posts like this one.

Also hopefully I’ll get my act together about Doctor Who reviews. Maybe.

(4/100)

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I just spent a couple hours reading through old blog posts (mostly Doctor Who reviews, but even so). It got me thinking about how I was supposed to start posting more on this blog this year, that everything was going to change and I was going to take control or something like that. Basically, that I was going to be a blogger again.

I think I want that to happen now.

I set my goal for 100 entries this year. I think that’s quite doable, especially if I get started on the Doctor Who reviews again. And who knows, maybe reviews of other things as well. I like to talk about media, that much is clear. Hannibal’s coming back for its third season this year, maybe I’ll write about that. (Never mind I need to catch up on the second season still.) Who knows. The possibilities are endless, of course.

I might be using this as a platform to talk about my personal life a bit more, particularly my depression. I might even talk about writing. I’ve been trying to do more of it lately, and it’s working out so-so so far. But I might as well talk about things since I’ve got this platform, even if they’re inane things that no one actually cares about!

It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to, write what I want tooooo…

On the whole I don’t know what I’ll be doing with this. I only know that I want to do something, and I will try to make that something count. Even if no one gives a damn. Maybe especially if no one gives a damn. Because at least I care, and at least I’m trying. I suppose that’s really what this is all about—caring enough to try, and keep on going.

So expect to see more from me in the coming days and weeks. And hopefully this time, I won’t be unknowingly lying to you. Hopefully.

(2/100)

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It snowed and iced over the weekend, which I think I talked about before. The ground is more or less still covered, though the main roads are clear. It’s still really freaking cold outside, though, which made clearing my car off this afternoon a bit of an adventure. I should have wrapped up in a scarf as well as my coat and hat, because my face was a little chapped afterwards. It took half an hour to smack and brush and scrape all the ice off my car, though it was kind of fun to break a layer of ice and discovered snow powdering underneath it. It all got brushed onto the ground, though, because I had places to go.

I meant to do more today than I actually got around to. This is mostly because I am lazy. The day isn’t over yet, but I’m not sure I want to go and do anything else after all. There’s always tomorrow, isn’t there? Another day to sleep and waste away, and I get to the end of it wondering where the hell I messed up. (I messed up by being in bed, by slumping down the pillows until I was laying there, feeling tired, and so I took my glasses off and burrowed into the pillow and slept.) I spend more time twittering over whether I should do something that I often end up doing nothing at all.

That got unexpectedly depressing.

I could make it more depressing by going on and on and on about what I’m not doing, but you didn’t come here for that. My next entry, later tonight, will not be depressing. Or maybe it will be depressing in a different way, I don’t know. I am just banging these out without any sort of preparation, because I told myself I was going to write 260 entries and I am /so damn close/ that I am not going to let it slip away from me. Let me do this one thing, let me accomplish this simple thing that is, okay, maybe not so simple as it seems this late in the year. But I’m going to try anyway.

Maybe I will write entries on all those things I said I would. I don’t know. But I’m going to keep talking about stuff, repeatedly, until the end of the year. And maybe–hopefully–I’ll hit that magic number.

(201/260)

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Moving House

So my parents are buying a house. It’s supposed to be all official and everything next week, though I suppose that something could go wrong between now and then and we wouldn’t get it, but it seems kind of unlikely. In addition to getting this new house, my parents also want to be more or less moved in by Christmas.

To say that we are even half ready to move out of our current rental house is… kind of laughable. I’ve half heartedly packed up my movies and some notebooks and other miscellaneous crap that I don’t really use in the day to day. My hundreds (well, probably not hundreds) of books haven’t gone anywhere, nor all my clothes (half of which I don’t even wear anymore). To say nothing of all my furniture.

Moving a fraction of my crap to make the dorms livable at college was one thing, but nothing quite drives home how much useless crap you’ve accumulated like having to pack all of it up. You have to touch everything, hold it in your hands and weigh its value. Am I really going to need this? Am I ever going to use it or refer to it at all? Should I just bin it and move on to the next thing? I’ve already had this conversation a few times, and I’ll likely have it several more before I get everything put away and ready to go.

It’s not like I haven’t moved before, but at the same time it kind of is. The last time we packed up and moved house, I was six years old and in the first grade. We have lived in this house for seventeen and a half years. It has accumulated the detritus of three kids getting muscled through the school system. The carpets are worn, the walls are in need of paint. The only room in the house that really looks all right is the kitchen, and that’s because it was redone almost six years ago. The house was built at the turn of the 20th century, and the last nearly two decades of occupance shows, in some places rather a lot.

And we’re moving. I went with my parents a month and a half ago when they went to see this new house. It isn’t totally new–it was built in the ’80s–but it’s so much newer than where we’re living. I’m going to have to figure out how to occupy a much smaller room than I have before. I’m going to have to learn how to cook on a gas stove. I’m going to have to learn to find my way around in the dark all over again.

It’s going to be strange enough learning to live in a new house. And I still have to pack. At any rate, I suppose I will keep things posted on this whole situation, as long as it’s developing. There might even be pictures.

(200/260)

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This is a Post on My Blog

To be honest, one thing you should have learned from me over the last year is that when I say I’m going to start writing entries more often, I am probably lying. Though all things considered, this is somehow going to turn out to not be one of those times. Wait and see, I suppose.

This entry isn’t about anything particular, just a sort of journal entry or stream of consciousness something or other. It snowed a lot today, with some sleet and freezing rain thrown in for good measure. The world outside is white and lovely, though I feel the effect is kind of spoiled by leaves and grass poking through the unsullied surface. I don’t think it’s likely to last outside of the weekend, either, but I’ll enjoy it as long as I can. (And hey, the messy roads are a good excuse to just stay in the house for a few days and not feel guilty about it.)

I am still going to write entries about the things I said in my previous entry, whenever that was. I might even write some of them today. Or tomorrow, rather. Time is sometimes a strange construct, and it’s been somewhat skewed for me all week. I didn’t get any sleep one night. I don’t know how much I’m going to get tonight. I really need to start keeping a sleep journal or something. I’ve tried that a couple of times, actually, and I’ve always fallen out of the habit. (I have often thought the same thing about keeping a dream journal, though my problem is that I usually get up and going straight away, and thus forget what I was dreaming about in the first place. Though I’ve noticed that the Disneyland of my dreams is always the same, though it’s also a lot more elaborate and cool.)

I need to start packing. I keep packing up all the things I don’t need, like bits of knick-knackery and so forth that won’t be helpful to unpack at first at all, but are still what I can afford to pack at the moment. Though at my current reading rate, I might as well start packing up my books, because they’re certainly not doing anything at the moment. But then again, there is the issue of having enough boxes for it all, and that makes me stay my hand again.

Tomorrow (or today, even) I am going to watch some Doctor Who and actually write some reviews and get those posted. I am going to finish up with Matt Smith’s run by the year’s end, I swear. That is a thing that is going to happen, somehow. Hell or high water and all that stuff. Come Christmas or New Year’s, I am going to get this stuff done.

Somehow.

(199/260)

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Apologies (again) for abandoning you all (yet again) for… well over a month. Things have been happening in my life, though by and large they are unexciting things like depression and anxiety. And let’s be honest, I’ve already talked about those enough on here, so there isn’t much point in regaling you with the gory details again. Particularly since that’s about as depressing as my actual experience was, and I don’t feel inclined to relive it for you all.

Rather than spending a lot of time talking about what I’ve been doing and not doing, I think I am going to split things up into multiple entries. Just sort of, you know, spread the love. And also pad out my total number of entries for the year, since I need about three a day in order to hit my intended number of two hundred and sixty. Or 260; sorry, doing intensive last-minute NaNoWriMo makes the word padder in you really come out.

So, some of the exciting topics you will see from me in the coming days and weeks include:

  • My parents bought a house. (Or will have, in a week and a half.) This means packing, and going through all the crap I have accumulated after living in this house for seventeen years.
  • I just saw Frozen tonight and OH MAN GUYS I GOTTA TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE AT YOU.
  • I got Pokemon X and my own 3DS for my birthday, so guess what I’ve been doing in half my spare moments. (I am trying to complete the region ‘dex for the first time ever, and I am actually pretty sure I’m going to do it. Once I work out some particular kinks regarding legendary birds, anyway…)
  • As I mentioned above, I did NaNoWriMo again this year, which I believe I talked about a little in October. It was kind of hard to write while in the middle of a crushing depression, but I managed to finish it just under the wire. By writing 14,000 words in twenty-four hours.
  • Also the long-awaited return of Doctor Who Review! I am going to get through everything up to and including this year’s Christmas special and last month’s 50th Anniversary Special (which I LOVED, by the way).
  • And probably more and other stuff that I will think of later!

(198/260)

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