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Posts Tagged ‘productivity’

I bet you thought I forgot about the blog again. While I admit it hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind, I promise I haven’t totally forgotten about it. I do want to get back in the habit of updating again, which means the pressure is on me to stick to it. This is what this is.

So what have I been up to? Partly it’s been a slightly soul-crushing apathy, either due to my depression or the medications I’m taking for my depression (oh joy). It’s hard to write when you don’t care about anything enough to get started. It’s hard to really do anything, because it doesn’t feel like any of it matters. Which leads into my next thing, which is that I haven’t done anything really important or interesting the last couple of weeks. I’ve been walking at the mall in an attempt to inject some physical activity into my otherwise sedentary life. I’m trying to write a silly fanfic to prove to myself that I’m still capable of actually producing fiction. Sometimes I go to the movies or watch one at home. I haven’t even been reading as much.

I’m not sure what my point here was supposed to be. Maybe explaining that my life is so boring as an excuse for not updating? Which is a pretty flimsy excuse, since I updated regularly in most of 2013 when my life was just as boring and depressing. (Even more depressing, since I was on crappier meds back then.) My biggest problem is that I make excuses. I didn’t get out of bed until nearly 1pm today because I kept finding excuses to ignore my alarm and curl up under the covers again. I don’t do a lot of things because I decide to refresh Tumblr or tab open TV Tropes instead.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that I am the queen of doing the easy, lazy thing instead.

I didn’t mean to turn this into an interrogation of my bad habits. This is what happens when I don’t have a set topic; I dive right into being self-critical.

I made a list of things I want to do this summer. Movies to see, TV shows to catch up on, plus some other stuff. It’s only sort of happening at the moment. I’m trying to catch up on Hannibal, since it’s just started its third season. It’s taking a while, since Hannibal is not the lightest of shows and thus not easy to binge watch. (This is more or less the reason why I haven’t finished Daredevil, either.) I’m five episodes away from being caught up, so hopefully I can cross that off my list here shortly. And that’s just one part of the list. And for some reason I’ve just now got this mad idea to watch 100 different movies over 100 days. Just because. And who knows, I might just do it, even though another one of my bad habits is setting goals I can’t possibly hope to keep.

This is what this is. I do things. Mostly they’re boring and unimportant. But I suppose you’re here because you’re interested anyway. I’m going to try to be better about updating here in the future. Expect more rambling posts like this one.

Also hopefully I’ll get my act together about Doctor Who reviews. Maybe.

(4/100)

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It snowed and iced over the weekend, which I think I talked about before. The ground is more or less still covered, though the main roads are clear. It’s still really freaking cold outside, though, which made clearing my car off this afternoon a bit of an adventure. I should have wrapped up in a scarf as well as my coat and hat, because my face was a little chapped afterwards. It took half an hour to smack and brush and scrape all the ice off my car, though it was kind of fun to break a layer of ice and discovered snow powdering underneath it. It all got brushed onto the ground, though, because I had places to go.

I meant to do more today than I actually got around to. This is mostly because I am lazy. The day isn’t over yet, but I’m not sure I want to go and do anything else after all. There’s always tomorrow, isn’t there? Another day to sleep and waste away, and I get to the end of it wondering where the hell I messed up. (I messed up by being in bed, by slumping down the pillows until I was laying there, feeling tired, and so I took my glasses off and burrowed into the pillow and slept.) I spend more time twittering over whether I should do something that I often end up doing nothing at all.

That got unexpectedly depressing.

I could make it more depressing by going on and on and on about what I’m not doing, but you didn’t come here for that. My next entry, later tonight, will not be depressing. Or maybe it will be depressing in a different way, I don’t know. I am just banging these out without any sort of preparation, because I told myself I was going to write 260 entries and I am /so damn close/ that I am not going to let it slip away from me. Let me do this one thing, let me accomplish this simple thing that is, okay, maybe not so simple as it seems this late in the year. But I’m going to try anyway.

Maybe I will write entries on all those things I said I would. I don’t know. But I’m going to keep talking about stuff, repeatedly, until the end of the year. And maybe–hopefully–I’ll hit that magic number.

(201/260)

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I am still tired. I want to curl up in my nice warm bed and sleep for another century or so, for all that that would kind of screw up my evening. I don’t feel as though I have anything better to be doing at the moment, though, so maybe a nap would do me some good. It would probably be better to just cuddle up in bed and read for a while instead, since I didn’t get around to that yesterday. I could probably do some planning from bed, as well.

Let’s be honest, I’m mostly talking about getting into bed because in spite of the heat being on and my space heater running at top speed and temperature, I am still¬†cold and I would like to live, just briefly, in a universe where my feet are not totally freezing. That universe usually involves curling up under the covers of my bed. If I had some nice flannel sheets, I might put those on my bed for optimum warmth, but I don’t have any nice flannel sheets, so I suppose I’ll just have to deal with it.

I would probably be not-bored and playing Pokemon at the moment if I could borrow my brother’s 3DS, but he’s going to let me have it when he leaves for school this week, so it seems polite to just let him do whatever with it until he leaves. I have all week, I keep telling myself, to waste time and raise my team and defeat gym leaders and so on. Instead of doing important stuff like updating this blog or maybe actually planning out my novel for NaNoWriMo.

Speaking of things I haven’t actually started doing. Ugh. I am kind of secretly hoping that my most recent lapse in creativity will end when I’ve got that huge deadline and goal hanging over me come November, but knowing my luck I’ll get about a thousand words in before I give up because it’s all awkward and weird and I can’t work on it without getting that queer tickling feeling in my arms that makes me want to claw them open and pull out whatever’s causing it.

That doesn’t make any sense.

I don’t know what this entry is supposed to be about. All I did was start writing, and as ever, one thing followed another until I started talking about the strange things that only make sense to me and which you probably won’t understand at all, if you’re even here reading this, which, let’s face it, if you gave up in paragraph two I don’t blame you. I’ve made it clear repeatedly over the last ten months how utterly fucking boring I am.

My birthday’s in ten days. I think I want to make pumpkin cupcakes for Halloween. I wish I had some money so I could put gas in my car and make sure my bank account doesn’t overdraw when their stupid-ass fee comes out and so I could maybe buy Robin McKinley’s new book and also start buying Christmas presents, not that I’m totally sure what everyone wants in the first place, and it’s so hard to shop for like five or six other grown adults. I wish I had a job. I wish I could just sleep forever sometimes. Not right now, though the thought of being cozy and warm for forever is kind of appealing because my feet are still cold and my space heater has a weird idea of how warm this room actually is at the moment.

I wanted to write 500 words, and it looks like I did just that. If you made it this far, you should get a medal. This entry is kind of inane as hell, and for that I apologize.

(197/260)

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I still don’t know what to write. For some reason, returning to my old stand-by of television reviews feels too much like cheating, but I haven’t been doing anything else interesting with my life to warrant talking about. I have spent a great deal of time reading these last few days, which I mentioned not so long ago. I’m working through all of Robin McKinley’s books that I own, and I own all of them save her short story collections and her newest novel. So the reading is something of a good excuse, for all that I’ve done it crouched at my desk with one eye on the Cookie Clicker (DO NOT GOOGLE, etc.). On the other hand, I feel like there are certain other things I should be getting around to, such as deciding once and for all if NaNoWriMo is going to be a Thing this year, and if so, shouldn’t I really get around to putting together a loose plan for said NaNoWriMo project?

And then a little part of me shrugs and I shuffle through my book again, because it seems an age and a half since I’ve really done a lot of reading. Which is all well and good, I suppose, except that the things I think I ought to be doing often drive me half mad because I don’t do them because I’m… reading. Or cookie clicking. Or iPhone fiddling, or Tumblr-ing (Tumbling?), or doing all the many-splendored things that are not what I think I ought to be doing.

If I continue on this tack for long, it’ll be another depression spiel, and you’ve probably had enough of those to last a lifetime, I would imagine. I’ll stop.

I would write more, but I’m tired and I don’t know what else to write. All I know is that every day is every day, so here I am again, and here I’ll be again tomorrow with some further inanity.

(191/260)

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The End is Nigh

Alternate title: Hashtags a day.

So we’re officially two-thirds of the way through the year. At least if you’re counting on the artibrary scale of the number of months that have passed by, as opposed to the number of days or weeks or what have you. There are but four months remaining before 2013 becomes 2014 and I have to learn how to write a new number on the end of my dates all over again.

It also means I’ve got four months to get all my resolutions somewhat sorted and everything. Though to be honest, most of what I’m going to blather about here are more along the lines of goals rather than actual resolutions, most of which, let’s face it, I kind of screwed up a very long time ago. (Oh, exercising. Will you ever actually become part of my daily routine?)

But I do have various goals in place that I would like to get through over the course of the next 122 days (counting today, which is itself very nearly over). And now I’m just going to list them out and include the average rate per day/week that I need to keep up with in order to meet with my goals. Though I did these calculations on Wednesday, so they’re technically a 125-day/17-week-total rate Or something. If that makes any sense.

LET’S GO ALREADY.

840 cranes to fold* = 6.7/day –> 8 cranes/day
110 films to watch = 6.5/week –> 1 film/day
34 videos to make** = 1.9/week –> 2 videos/week
80 blog posts to write = 5 posts/week
125 journal entries to write = 1 entry/day
3 puzzles to put together (3000 pieces total) = 24 pieces/day
26 books to read = 1.5 books/week
1 novel to write = November
2 fanfics to finish = AAAHHH FUCK

The writing goals are sadly a bit less concrete. …I’ll figure something out. (Currently toying with a 2,000 words a day limit, which will be a nice warm-up for November and NaNoWriMo.)

Anyway, the whole “hashtags a day” thing: something I started doing the other day on my Instagram (and through that, my Tumblr and Twitter) was posting pictures of my daily cranes with the hashtag “#8cranesaday”, just to sort of keep myself on my toes and maybe even make myself slightly accountable to the people who follow me on those forums. Continuing in that vein, I think it would be interesting and cool if I just did that for everything on the above list.

So keep a weather eye out, I suppose.
__________________
*Total based on number of cranes I thought I would have to make per month back in January, and did not take into account any previously folded cranes. Furthermore, the high jump in the rounding up will mean that I will hit 1,000 cranes well before the end of the year.

**Number of videos was reduced from 104 to 38 back in April. I have made/posted four new videos to my YouTube channel this year so far.

(180/260)

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I don’t know what to write. I’ve actually got a Doctor Who review all written up, but I haven’t typed it out yet and I don’t feel like doing that now because whatever. I don’t need a reason. I’m lazy. As has been well-established by this point.

I feel like my epiphany at the beginning of the month has somehow managed to get me absolutely nowhere. I haven’t made any more videos (and that’s going to be harder, now that I don’t have a tripod anymore). I haven’t watched any movies or read any books. My writing seems to have sagged to a standstill. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I want to tear everything apart sometimes. I just feel all knotted up and anxious and I want to break things, but of course everything that I might break is way too expensive for me to risk it. Because of course it is. But I want to throw things and tear them apart and just pull things apart for the sake of /doing/ something. Because everything else seems impossible right now.

But I still have that epiphany ringing in my head: Just do it. Make good art. Make things. Even if those things are crappy Pacific Rim fanfic, or tiny paper cranes, or videos of me sobbing over Doctor Who characters. Make things. Make them and put them out there for people to see. It’s not that hard. It’s just a matter of getting the job done, of not spending all day playing Animal Crossing or refreshing Tumblr or rewatching the entirety of The Brain Scoop. All that matters is you, you doing the things you want to do, because you want to do them. Make good art. Make stuff. Don’t let lethargy get the better of you.

And okay, now this has turned into a self-pep talk, but I’m at this point where I don’t care. I should probably go and make my tea; I set the kettle on like half an hour ago, it might not even be hot anymore. I haven’t had a mug of tea in forever, but the house has been freezing, so I suddenly felt like it. Nice cup of Earl Grey, or maybe I’ll treat myself to one of my Disneyland flavors. Or something else entirely.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll make cookies, and I’ll film myself doing it and edit it into a video. I want there to be sweets in the house again. Or maybe tomorrow I’ll write up an actual script about something, and film that, and edit it together. Maybe I will do so many things tomorrow that by the end of the day I will feel accomplished and better and everything that most often times I do not feel at all.

Tomorrow is more or less infinite. It doesn’t matter so much about what you make, I guess, because oblivion and all that, but make something anyway. Leave pieces of yourself behind for the rest of the world and all that comes after it to enjoy. Leave them because you want to be remembered, even if only three people ever in the whole history of the world really, truly remember you. They won’t write your name in history books, but they’ll write it on their hearts, and that is, truly, more important.

This started out all whiny and somehow has turned into an inspirational something or other. I don’t know how that happened. I’m going to go make myself a cuppa.

(175/260)

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On the Edge

There is something worse than getting along without Internet. I’ve slowly been discovering its torture over the last several days.

The only thing worse than having no Internet is having unreliable Internet.

Ever since about Friday evening, my home internet has been cutting out at random times, for period of random length. I do not know why this has been happening. It is presumably an issue on my provider’s end, since I occasionally manage to summon a company-branded “Error Detected” page (which helpfully refreshes itself until the problem is resolved). Sometimes, after getting the “Problem Resolved” page, the Internet will work for gloriously long periods of time. Other times, it will crap out again after five minutes.

It’s making it both easy and difficult to get things done. I managed to make another video today, but at the same time, it’s 4:30 and I’m only just starting on this blog post. I haven’t done any writing, or reading, for that matter. I’m currently typing this at the library because the ‘net won’t work long enough to upload the aforementioned video. While I’m sure I’ll get some things done at home tonight, I will still be constantly glancing up at my laptop to see if I can manage to browse Tumblr for ten minutes before it all falls out from under me again.

I may make a more concerted effort towards bugging my mom to call our provider about what the hell is going on. That’s not going to be possible tonight, but maybe tomorrow. Or just sometime this week. Friday may be even better as far as that’s all concerned; I can then make the hefty and important claim that this has been going on for a week, what is the problem. (I would phone the company myself, but A. they probably wouldn’t talk to me, since I don’t pay the bill; and B. I have a kind of minor anxious phobia of making phone calls.)

This is just annoying and awful. I want it fixed, so I can go about having more productive days. So I can carefully segregate “Internet Time” and “Make Good Art Time” without the former constantly interrupting the latter. So I can get stuff done and feel more accomplished about my days. I just want this fixed. It’s the worst. I could get along well enough without Internet, I really could, but this is just torture.

(And yes, I realize this post basically has “FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS” written on it in big, bold letters, but I don’t care. My blog, my rules. And my rules say I can whine about whatever I damn well please.)

(153/260)

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